Mmmm... NBA preview Extravaganzalooza

Manny Stiles previews the 2006-2007 NBA season a la Sports guy but with the help of Homer Simpson. All references are to Homer's many "Mmmm...'s".

Teams previewed in order of Stiles predicted finish... x = division winner, y- playoff team

East -


Atlantic - Will the team that wins the division break .5oo?

New Jersey Nets - x = Mmmm... Elephant Fresh
From "Bart Gets an Elephant" - Homer thinks a bird is trying to kill Stampy until Lisa explains that it is merely grooming the pachyderm. When Marge informs Homie he has a bird on his head, he giggles and says "Mmmm... Elephant Fresh"

That's not a bird or a plane, it's half-man, half-a-season Vince Carter! Nenad Krstic showed some hope, Richard Jefferson is vastly overrated and Jason Kidd gets quite a bit more respect (only shot better than 41% ONE season - I can do that) than he deserves if you ask me. That being said, credit to him for logging 80 games played last season.

The Nets did a good job in the draft (Marcus Williams), kinda... (Josh Boone?)... Maybe Hassan Adams can pull a Gilbert Arenas and prove to the world that Arizona scoring guards are NOT second round material... maybe.


Philadelphia 76ers -y = Mmmm... Forbidden Donut
From "Treehouse of horror IV" - Homer makes a deal with the devil for a donut then eats the last forbidden piece late at night, thereby exchanging it for his soul.

Allen Iverson wasn't traded... Big surprise there. Chris Webber wasn't traded. Dalembert wasn't signed and traded, but the 76ers did sign my fellow former 9th floor Johnson Hall (Temple U) resident Ric Brunson!! Not a bad draft, the other AI, Andre Iguodala is pretty damned talented. Stephen Hunter isn't THAT bad and still on the way up (find me an athletic 7 footer, I'll find him a roster spot) and Kyle Korver needs a bigger posse.

Why the forbidden donut reference for the Sixers? Because the moment they trade Alley I, it's Charles Barkley all over again... They will be selling their soul and the jury of the damned won't include the "Broad Street Bullies", but a lot of Broad Street pissed off M-Fers...

Question. What are the Sixers without the Answer? Oh yeah, a BIG question. Why is there no one nicknamed "The Random Guess?"

How about this? I have them making the playoffs this year as a 7 or 8 seed. Why? Because.


Boston Celtics = Mmmm... Soylent Green
from "Itchy and Scratchy: the Movie", far in the future after Bart becomes a Supreme Court judge because Homer stuck to his punishment of a lifetime abn from the movie, they go together to see it and Homer overhears a man order soylent green with extra butter... (Not to be confused with another 'in the future' episode where a box of soylent green is on the breakfast table with the bonus "Now with more girls!" marketing ploy.)

I'm gonna shake my head from side to side for a bit... WHAT the hell is Danny Ainge doing? I hope he knows, because I don't... wait, maybe I do. Stockpiling assets, that's what. The C's are set to make some waves in the trade category. Why else was Paul Pierce NOT traded? They have what a college All-Star team should look like plus Wally World and "Many Tasers" Michael Olowokandi.

Unless there's a big move to be made, there's too much "eh?" on this roster to make a quality playoff team out of it.


Toronto Raptors = Mmmm... Purple
In "Homer defined" our hero goes poking through a box of jelly-filled donuts until he comes up with a flavor known around the world only as "purple".

Yeah, I know they ditched the sissy purple for manly red. Raptors, poor Raptors... you win the lottery in a year without a dead-on #1. Hey, trust Bryan Colangelo. He is every bit as good as you think he can be. While I'd normally laugh a guy off the planet for trading big for small, he filled needs by trading excess. Chris Bosh is quietly a true stud in the making and not just a cheap KG knock-off. T.J. Ford and FIBA hero Jose Calderon make a fast and decent PG rotation, the Rasho Nesterovic pickup is a smart move to cushion the NBA life smack in the face Andrea Bargnani is in for and should be a good mentor if nothing else. Morris Peterson will get traded soon on principle as he's the longest tenured Raptor and maybe Fred Jones can make some Canadians forget Air Canada. (ok...)

If anything, they're light years ahead of the Knicks and certainly can't be worse than they were last year, but just be prepared for Colangelo to make his own mark and revamp, retool and reset the roster several times before he gets comfortable.

New York Knicks = Mmmm... Fifty Dollar pretzel
From "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo" When in Japan, at a Sumo match, Homer buys a pretzel and uses the good luck salt for the Sumo mat to "Americanize" it.

What is there LEFT to say about the Knicks... I knew what Isiah Thomas was doing WAY back when...

The roster is ugly and if you ask me, they were OVERACHIEVING last year. Five bucks says Zeke trades away all of his expiring contracts for worse ones before he gets fired... maybe he's trying to ruin the team on purpose! The dream of LeBron in the Big Apple isn't going to happen, so go back to sleep Knicks fans.



Central - Can all five teams make the playoffs??

Cleveland Cavaliers - x = Mmmm... Sixty-Four slices of American cheese
From "Rosebud", Maggie has Mr Burns' long lost Bobo and Burns and Smithers sneak into 742 Evergreen terrace late at night to steal it. Well, Homer foils their plans by sleep eating some cheese. Sixty-Four slices, one at a time until Waylon and C. Monty fall from the ceiling after waiting all night and leave emptyhanded.

The leap...2006-7, the season that LeBron went from ManChild to the Man. Everything is coming together for the Cavs. The Heat aren't as hungry, the Bulls aren't ready, the Pistons are slipping, no one is scared of the Nets and Orlando isn't there yet. Zydrunas Ilgauskas has a full season of dominance in him, Larry Hughes really can play a full season, Anderson Varejao is one of 'those dudes' you need to make a run and Drew Gooden should play to his potential one of these years.

Their draft was good, Shannon Brown and Daniel Gibson bring something to the table and there's plenty of veteran leadership to go around in Eric Snow, David Wesley, Donyell Marshall and Damon Jones.

I just feel it's their time to take the shot, they almost knocked out the Pistons last year. Now it's their turn!


Chicago Bulls -y = Mmmm... Foot long chili dog
Fom "The Last temptation of Homer" when Homer goes on a business trip with Mindy, he almost gets himself some side action.

The Bulls made the coup that could be seen from 4 months away. If you were surprised when the Bulls signed Ben Wallace, you weren't paying attention. Ben was brought in to help the Bulls get over the theoretical hump. But as history seems to jam one particular cliche in our face... the best laid plans, etc and so forth.
He seems like the missing piece, but...

Scott Skiles has this team playing hard, has lots of young, versatile talent and brought in P.J. Brown to tutor young #2 pick Tyrus Thomas. But Ben Gordon, Kirk Hinrich, Luol Deng and Chris Duhon just don't seem like enough to actually get over the hump to me. But still enough for Big Ben to rub it in Detroit's face for a year or two. In 3-4 years, the Bulls are going to HATE/regret his contract and very diminished skills.


Detroit Pistons -y = Mmmm... Business Deal.
Homer signs his name in blood in a deal with "Dracula" Burns in treehouse of Horror IV. That's what re-signing Ben Wallace to a 4 year deal would have ended up like for the Pistons. Yeah, it's gonna hurt in the short term (the Darko trade will hurt more in the long term) but "He's not THAT Big" Ben's skills will drop HARD real soon. He's 6'9" and can't shoot, he's getting slower and once his D goes (it's already starting) his jersey will have to come with extra holes for the forks.

What's REALLY gonna hurt the Pistons this year is 'Sheed and what he calls the "Sheed Rule" - apparently the NBA is cracking down on guys showing up the refs with body language and hand gestures, etc. I'll call it the "Stop Being a Whiny Bitch and Play Basketball Rule". 'Sheed thinks they made this rule for him. Yeah, 'Sheed, the world's out to get you... what ever happened to the Norf-Philly boy I used to watch play his ass off at Simon Gratz High? You used to emulate ultra-classy Gratz alum Aaron McKie, now you think you got the market cornered on bitching at refs... WAKE UP, ALL NBAers bitch at every call...

Can we get the fist bump/team meetings after every free throw banished next?


Indiana Pacers -y = Mmmm... Pistol Whip
From "Hunka Hunka Burns in Love" - Mr Burns' new girl Gloria gets kidnapped by her old beau Snake, with Homer as the hostage getaway driver. Gloria informs Snake she and Mr Burns are in love. Snake replies "Don't say that, baby. I'm going to win you back if I have to pistol-whip this guy all night."
Homer says "Mmmm... Pistol Whip" while seeing himself in a thought bubble eating whipped cream from the business end of a pistol. (My personal favorite "Mmmm... of Homer's)

Obvious choice... How many jokes can you make about Stephen Jackson's "0-5 shooting performance" the other night? It's all ok, since he has a license to carry, but here's a question? How does a guy on probation get to keep his license to carry?

Are the Pacers are turning into the Blazers East? Not much good to say since they essentially got nothing for Ron-Ron. How much longer before they turn Jermaine O'Neal into nothing too? I feel a trade in Indy is imminent. How will Al Harrington and Marquis Daniels fit in? Who's gonna take the game over when needed? Expect shake ups and roster shuffling galore. the team is in flux and headed in the not-so-right direction. Larry Bird and Rick Carlisle deserve better, but here we are...


Milwaukee Bucks = Mmmm... Memo.
From "Das Bus" when Homer starts his own 'company' and has a stick of butter as his pencil holder... Larry Harris made some nice moves for quality depth and got rid of two pieces he replaced with more depth; Ruben Patterson and Brian Skinner can give you something, and a plethora of PGs will soften the loss of speed demon T.J. Ford (who they traded for a serviceable big to replace an quickly falling off Jamaal Magloire!)

Bucks fans, I don't think you're going to be the 5th Central team in the playoffs this year, but the future is bright!


Southeast - Young division, old division leaders

Miami Heat -x = Mmmm... the Land of Chocolate
From "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk'', Homer tells the new plant owners the candy machine is broken and the Germans tell Homer "We are from the land of chocolate" and he drifts off...

Attention, Heat! The confetti and ticker tape is gone. Your reign is over, the 15 strong got their rings and rebuilding is but a year or two away.

The Heat will be getting old quickly, yeah they still have MJ Jr, whathisname? Dwyane Wade? They won't be as motivated this year (an unmotivated Diesel is never a good thing), ALL the teams will be gunning for them but they will still be 15 strong enough to hold top seed in the East, but I don't think that'll be enough to get them back to the Finals.


Orlando Magic -y = Mmmm... Something
From "Another Simpsons Clip Show" after showing 6-7 clips of Homer doing Mmmm's they throw in a last one, something!

It's a good time to be a Magic fan (maybe...) They have a SuperStud in the making in Dwight Howard, a potential stud if he realizes his potential studness in Darko Milicic (who turned a whopping 21 years old this summer), a decent Carlos Arroyo and a surprisingly better than I thought he'd be Jameer Nelson. Don't forget they have everyone's favorite Dukie, J.J. Redick.

Mad cap space around the corner with grant Hill's contract expiring after this season, and Orlando is a favorable destination for NBAers it seems. But if Darko blows up, that cap space is all gone!

Hedo Turkoglu is good sometimes and I ALWAYS enjoy watching Bo Outlaw's smile. Don't underestimate what Bo brings to a locker room. If it wasn't for some kind of hidden curse on this franchise (Fran Vasquez, Grant's ankle, all the All-Stars leave) I'd pick them to go further... maybe next year, but for this year... PLAYOFFS!


Washington Wizards = Mmmm... Free Goo
From "Boy Scoutz in the Hood" - Homer finds a wad of pre-chewed bubble gum

Gilbert Arenas is a top 10 player, Antawn Jamison is pretty good and occasionally very good and Caron Butler can play, too. But what the hell is the rest of this roster? Calvin Booth? Antonio Daniels? Free goo.

There's not much to say about the Wizards. At least they were smart enough to not match the Knicks offer for Jarred Jefferies!


Charlotte Bobcats = Mmmm... Open faced club sandwich
From "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield" Homer is golfing with Mr Burns and it's suggested that Homer use an open faced sand wedge to hit it from the rough.

A golf scene from the Simpsons is fitting for Michael Jordan's second go-around as an exec. The team is young and I'm not sure they have a direction at this point. Young talent needs to develop. I like Gerald Wallace alot, Primoz Brezec is an up and comer for the last 4 years and Emeka Okafor is solid. Brevin knight isn't as good as the stats say and Raymond Felton is BETTER than the stats say. It'll be fun to see if Adam Morrison's game translates to the NBA as well as everyone seems to think. I'm skeptical in the way that I think he'll be ok, but won't be surprised if he ends up sucking.

Of course, they have one of the ugliest logo/team color combos in pro sports, so they got that going for them.


Atlanta Hawks = Mmmm... Cupcake
from "Bart the General" - Lisa makes cupcakes for a teacher, Bart calls her a buttkisser. omer then takes a cupcake and explains to Bart that buttkissing isn't such a bad thing.

This team shouls change their name to the cupcakes! Man, I feel bad for Billy Knight. I'm not saying he's a smart guy, but he tries to do the best he can and he deserves better than to be handcuffed by retarded ownership. I still root for Joe Johnson, but that deal was a Godsend to my Suns (2 more 1st rounders coming!). They better hope Shelden Williams pans out, because on the surface...what as tupid pick at #5. Marvin Williams has Superstar potential if he can keep his head on straight and Josh Smith is better than you think! They're still REALLY bad, but better than they were and maybe better than they should be...



West-

Southwest - Is this the best division in the NBA?

San Antonio Spurs -x = Mmmm... grapefruit
"Brother from the Same Planet" - Homer tells his "little brother" Pepe stories of how evil Bart is.
Homer: Son, I just want you to know I love you very much.
Bart: [shoves a half grapefruit in Homer's face] Shut up! [end of flashback]
Homer: Mmmmmm... grapefruit.

Grapefruit because that's how this season will end up, like a grapefruit shoved in their face.
Once Tony Parker and Eva "overrated pixie o'the moment" Longoria break up, the Spurs season will be a complete bust... wait, I mean when they get swept out of the playoffs by the Suns the sting will set in!

Alright, Tim Duncan will revert to steady. Michael Finley was supposedly D U N a few years back, he really is, now. Same for Big Hype Robert Horry. Fabricio Oberto is another in a long line of Spurs International players to surprise the hell out of me, but other than that, this team isn't as good as Spurs teams of the past. A well rested, healthy and focused Tim Duncan could make the rest of this roster irrelevant... he may need to this year!

Dallas Mavericks -y = Mmmm... Pointy
from "A Fish called Selma" he eats the cake decoration at Selma and Troy McClure's wedding thinking it was made of icing. It wasn't.

The oh-so-close Mavericks were assured the Championship after dispatching the Spurs, remember? Then the Suns wore them out and the Heat and the 6,000 fouls on Dwyane Wade finished them off. Mark Cuban has his work cut out for him this year. No one will disregard the Mavs and Dirk Nowitski's long summer of carrying Germany may wear on him late in the season.

Resigning Jason Terry was the Mavs only option. Snagging lucky-ass Devean George may pay some dividends or he may stink up all of Texas. Of course, I am a big Josh Howard fan - he would have been a difference maker for Team USA.

My whole O!F theory was originated with my take on Jerry Stackhouse last year. Nice player, gets points, plays a little dirty, but he isn't a scary guy. He isn't going to beat you singlehandedly in a series.DeSagana Diop was a nice Free Agent pickup last year and should continue to develop and let's see if Anthony johnson can put up 40 points against a Western Conference foe in the playoffs.

A let down season after getting so close, then next year, Cuban says F it all and goes Steinbrenner on the NBA!

NO/OK Hornets -y = Mmmm... Hog fat
From "Lisa's first words" Homer and Marge are looking for a house to buy but realize the houses the can afford are in "iffy" neighborhoods, including one right next to a rendering plant leading Homer to utter "Mmmm... Hog fat"

My surprise team of '06-07 won't be much of a surprise. They gelled towards the end of last year, they have 35 guaranteed sellouts in OKC and 6 hopefully sold out games scheduled in Floodtown. They picked up Tyson Chandler who clearly needed a change of scenery. Chris Paul is the best American point guard playing today. Bobby Jackson is minute for minute one of the baddest dudes in basketball. Signing Peja Stojakavic was a nice coup and he should thrive on this team. David West is a stud in the making and even OSU favorite son Desmond Mason has All-Star potential. Byron Scott has a team that suits him pretty well, I think.

From bottom dweller to playoff participant in 2 and 1/2 seasons, not bad! (Atlanta, this could have been you!)

Memphis Grizzlies -y = Mmmm... Pie Pants

From "She of Little Faith" Homer helps Milhouse and Bart build a backyard rocket.
Milhouse says to Bart "I didn't know you're Dad was so interested in science"
Homer: "Science!?"
Bart: "Uh, he didn't say, 'science.' He said, 'pie pants.'"
Mmmm, pie pants.

You know, alot of people say Jerry West is a genius. I can only retort to that sentiment with two words... Jake Tsuckalotis...I mean Jake Stiffalotis... I mean Jake Tsakalidis. Just kidding (no, I'm not)

I'm a big Eddie Jones fan since the days of sharing Sports Admin. classes together at Temple Univ. WAY back in the early 90's. He is a seriously quality human and a pretty good basketball player to boot. Rudy Gay might end up the best player of the 2006 draft. Mike Miller gets to play his game now and Hakim Warrick should continue to develop into a human flyswatter. But everyone knows their whole season comes down to Pau gasol coming back healthy and strong.

A lot of people will bitch about him getting hurt playing for Spain, but it may actually help him since he'll be in prime playing shape when the playoffs are rolling instead of being worn out from summer b-ball and a whole season of busting ass against the tough West Power Forwards.

They still make it in as my pick for 8th seed just ahead of...


Houston Rockets = Mmmm... salty
From "Lisa's Pony", Homer steals a beef jerky while at work at the Kwikee Mart to pay for Princess' stable fees.

Rockets fans will be salty when they realize Bonzi Wells, Juwan Howard and Shane Battier are fighting it out as the third option. Of course, health (notice a theme here?) is THE most important factor for a team counting on 2 BIG guns, Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. Ming seemed to break through a plateau at the end of the season, but we'll see how carrying China on his back with the Olympics getting closer every day will affect him.

McGrady, when 100% may be the best player in the league. So that's like 30-40 games over the last 6 years he's been the best player in the league? To be fair, he tries to play hurt (75+ games played 5 of the last 7 years) and maybe that's his problem! He's 27 years old and good for 25+ppg in the middle of the night.


Northwest - Bad, worse and cursed

Minnesota Timberwolves -x = Mmmm... Marshmallows
from "There's No Disgrace like Home", a season one as the Family is headed to a company picnic at Mr Burns' house, Marge makes jello with marshmallows.

This division is going to suck again this year. Why do I think the T-Wolves will win the Northwest? Dee-fault (the 2 sweetest words in the English language). Big ticket is ready to rip it up and the talent is there. Rashad McCants really McCan! Randy Foye will be alright.

It just seems like the hangover from the Latrell/Cassell debacle is gone and it's time for this team to get healthy for a change. Also, I have a gut feeling a big trade will land a stud in the Twin Cities by the All-Star break... Starbury? The Answer? Richard Jefferson? Paul Pierce? Whoever it is will separate them from the rest of the slackpack in this division.

In other T-Wolf news... Vin Baker is back for more! Maybe he can give some "guidance" to "Pulling a" Eddie Griffin...


Denver Nuggets = Mmmm... Urinal Fresh
From "And Maggie Makes Three", Homer recalls his job at the Bowling Alley. He sprays the rental shoes "Mmmm... bowling fresh" then he puts new urinal cakes (a Simpson's mainstay item) in the bathroom...

Hello, Denver. Prepare for a maddening season. I like some of the talent, but there's too much of similar talent at the wrong places. I like Nene, but how will he respond this year? Reggie Evans, Joe Smith, and problem child/wannabe tough guy Kenyon Martin all are paid more than they're worth

Just another gut feeling here, but if you thought last year's injuries were bad enough, something tells me this year might "hurt" worse. Wet Paper Towel Marcus Camby and pencil thin Julius Hodge are injury risks, but what if Earl Boykins or (yeah, I'll say it) USA ballhog Carmelo Anthony go down for an extended period of time?

This team is no longer a good fit for Furious George Karl and the wheels could be flying off by Christmas. Of course, in this division EVERYONE could get hurt and they'd still battle for third!


Utah Jazz = Mmmm... Unexplained Bacon
From "Treehouse of Horror XII" when the Simpsons purchase 'Ultrahouse 3000 who falls in lust with Marge and tries to lure Homer to his death with midnight bacon...

How does Jerry Sloan do it? Look at their roster! This team went .500 last year. Salt Lake City is a nice enough town but he squeezes every bit out of every player or he kicks them out. Carlos Boozer better show up this year or the Duke curse gets cranked up another notch...

Andrei Kirilenko is a total stud - in basketball, fantasy basketball and life - ENOUGH about his wife's 'deal' already; in case you didn't know, she's a huge pop singer in Russia, and I'm SURE she has her share of "groupies" too, so she understands what he goes through on the road.

Despite some minor upgrades ( is Rafael Araujo Sloan's next Greg Ostertag/whipping boy?), a healthy Matt Harpring, another year of seasoning from Mehmet Okur (check his stats vs. Tim Duncan's last year) and a wily free agent signing (Derek Fisher) they'll end up around .500 again and JUST out of the playoffs...


Seattle Supersonics = Mmmm... strained peas
From "Homer Alone" - Marge goes crazy and Homer gets to watch the kids. While feeding Maggie he tries to show her how good baby food is, then devours it all.

Strained Peace is a good way to describe this franchise's situation. Where will they end up? I don't know but the Hornets are probably pissed that the Sonics are moving in on the rabid OKC.

This team is in trouble. Ray Allen is all world and can win any game, any given night by himself, but the front office is a mess, Bob Hill has his hands full of unseasoned 7 footers and I'm not on the Chris Wilcox bandwagon at all... Luke Ridnour took a step backwards getting whooped in the World Championships and Rashard Lewis is their most movable chip (Bye bye, Rashard!)

It's gonna be a sad season in the Emerald City. At least they're not the Blazers!


Portland Trailblazers = Mmmm... Incapacitating
From the Springfield Connection, Marge becomes a cop. Homer takes her pepper spray and says "Oh, Marge, one squirt and you're south of the border!"

The Jailblazers of old metamorphasizing into Steve Patterson's version of a crappier, younger, less talented and fan friendlier version of the Jailblazers? Man, they get screwed in the lottery and still end up with a seemingly good draft with LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy. Couple them with Martell Webster, Sergio Rodriguez, Travis outlaw and Jarret Jack and you have one HELL of an AAU team! Juan Dixon and Dan Dickau are the 'veterans' in the backcourt...

With the foul stench of off the court issues still wafting throughout the Rose Garden, one small misstep by a young buck acting his age will bring it all back... is 25 wins even possible?


Pacific - Home of the MVP

Phoenix Suns -x = Mmmm... Beer
From several episodes. Homer loves beer, I love the Suns.

Message to the league: Amare is #1. Not just in your heart and on your replica jersey, but on the court. Rumors, innuendo and attitude adjustments galore this week. In the course of one week STAT went from "shutting it down" to being a Man-Beast again in training camp over there in Mike D'Antoni's old haunt - Italy. Amare said yesterday he's ready to go at it and even if there's a few setbacks here or there, Amare at 75% is better than 98% of the rest of the league. Watch out!

The Suns need only one thing to make the 1st banner hang from the Purple Palace... health. Reigning back-to-back MVP Steve Nash's back has been iffy at times, human pogo stick Shawn Marion has been playing nicked and bruised for 3 years now, Kurt Thomas is a great fit beside Amare and needs to provide a healthy season (if he doesn't get dealt first) and knock down the 15 footers and Amare will wreak havoc on heads.

The speed (Leandro Barbosa, Marcus Banks), the toughness (Raja Bell, Jumaine Jones) and the shooting (James Jones, Eric Piatkowski) is there. Lest I forget my main man "3D" Boris Diaw, he does it all. Get Steve Nash rolling and open shots will be aplenty. The Suns 'lull' you into running up and down the court and you end up playing their game, a game they play very well.

Say what you want about defense. The Suns are WAY better defenders than you think. They just lead the league in pace values and shoot way more shots than any other team so in turn the 'stats' get inflated. The weakness is supposedly rebounding, but like Mike D'Antoni always says, you can give up 5 rebounds in one half-court set and hold a team to zero points. Me thinks a healthy STAT and Crazy Eyes Kurt would swing those numbers in the Suns favor more...

Sacramento Kings -y = Mmmm... sprinkles
Comes up a couple times even as a weapon ("I'm blinded by a horrible rainbow!") but this one refers to "Treehouse of Horror VI" when Lard Lad and other mascots become real and terrorize the town, the only way to stop them is to not look at them doing their advertising. Lard Lad is the last Ad standing and he has a donut for Homer to look at.


Los Angeles Clippers -y = Mmmm... Apple
From "Boy Scoutz in the Hood" - Bart learns how to set traps and homer falls for the old apple on a blanket over the hole in the driveway trick.

See a Clippers fan sees last year, a healthy Elton Brand, Sam Cassell being loved instead of loathed, Chris Kaman as one of the FEW true big men in the league. Maybe Corey Maggette can play all season, maybe Shaun Livingston can take the next step up the ladder, maybe Tim Thomas will play like the 26 games he played as a Sun instead of the 577 games he played as a completely overpaid, bad attituded underachiever, maybe Aaron Williams was a good pickup... maybe that Apple pie is on a blanket over a big hole.

Hey, at least you're NOT the Lakers!


Los Angeles Lakers = Mmmm... Beer Nuts
From "A Star is Burns" Homer has the old trick snakes in a can ready for guest the Critic Jay Sherman. Of course, he says "Mmmm... beer nuts", then wants one so bad he opens the can, gets hit with the snakes and is sad there's no beer nuts inside.

This one's for you, Lakers. You think you've got a playoff team, but you just wait 'til you open that can and see what's inside. A bunch of crappy spring snakes and one Mamba (here's a tidbit for you... a black mamba's bite can be fatal but is often not fatal as they are inaccurate strikers and the venom tends to paralyze it's victims not kill them; and there is an anti-venom for mamba venom - Raja Bell!)

Remember the days when Phil Jackson had a kidney stone removed and he called it "Kobe" because it was a real pain in the backside and wouldn't pass? Kobe is going to have to carry this squad again, but this time, old 24 ain't gonna have the gas in the tank... he's worn out from still making it up to his babealicious wife for going backdoor on Skanky Kate. That's right, I'll never let it go as long as he's a Laker... Surprise surprise, I have similar disdain for the Lakers as I do the Yankees... except I secretly can tolerate the Yanks... F the Lakers!!!

Yeah, I'm sure Vladimir Radmanovic won't revert to "not playing for a contract" status, they won't miss good luck charm Devean George and Smush Parker can repeat his once upon a time season. I like Lamar Odom, but he needs a change of scenery for sure... keep hearing Utah rumors?

I am curious about two things: How well will Andrew Bynum develop? And whatever happened to Kwame Brown's sexual assault case? I know it was dropped, but what was the REAL story? I remember when David Aldridge broke the story, he kept saying an unnamed "person" was allegating the charges. Not woman or female, "Person"... kinda goes right along with what Michael Jordan called the Kwamster in Washington...


Golden State Warriors = Mmmm... Crumbled up cookie things
From "Lisa the Greek", Homer tries to teach Lisa that gambling makes things better. A football game is like ice cream -
Homer: You like ice cream, don't you?
Lisa: Uh huh.
Homer: And don't you like ice cream better when it's covered with hot fudge? And mounds of whipped cream? [getting carried away] And chopped nuts? And, ooh, those crumbled-up cookie things they mash up? Mmm... Crumbled-up cookie things

This one fits because you look at the roster and you see lots and lots of crumbled up cookie bits; young talent, athletic bigs, Jason Richardson, Baron Davis, Mickael Pietrus, Ike Diagu, Mike Dunleavy and even a Dajuan Wagner trying a huge comeback! But where's the ice cream?

Nellie Ball is back in the bay! Don Nelson has his cushy return as a hero and next to none REAL expectations and longest current career without a playoff appearance Adonal Foyle to motivate. Nellie is going to run like the Suns (after all, they're running like he always did - Knicks not included). Even if everything goes right for this squad, is there ANYONE out there that doesn't assume they're not going to the playoffs?

Predictions - Drumroll please...

MVP - LeBron James (in tight voting over Nash and Garnett)
Rookie of the Year- Rudy Gay
Top Scorer (ppg) - Gilbert Arenas
Top Rebounder - Kevin Garnett
Comeback player of the Year (if it was still an award) - Amare Stoudemire
Coach of the Year - Dwayne Casey
Finals MVP - Steve Nash

Suns over the Cavaliers in the NBA Finals in 5 games. See ya in June!

And there you have the Manny Stiles 2006-07 NBA Preview !!!


reference: http://www.snpp.com/guides/mmmm.html