The Legend of U L Washington

Another article originally posted On ArmchairGm.com on September 8, 2006


Every so often, Earth is blessed with a being that encompasses the attributes of presence, flavah and originality. This time, I am not referring to myself, but to the man known as U L Washington.

U L, which is actually his real name not just his initials, played 11 seasons of Major League Baseball from 1977-1987. He spent most of his career as a shortstop and for the majority of his career with the Kansas City Royals (Of course, I'll always remember him as a Montreal Expo).

So if you don't remember U L, weren't born yet or haven't heard about his unique story, you look at his stats, and you wonder... WHY THE HELL would Stiles write an article about U L freeking Washington? (his comparable stats by age 31-33 compare closely to H Wagner... Heinie Wagner, that is...)

Quite simple, friends:

The toothpick!

U L Washington played with a toothpick in his mouth at all times! Fielding, batting, running the bases, sliding, diving, hi-fiving his teammates... U L had the toothpick dangling 'tween his lips.

I can think of no one in the history of baseball that had such a gimmick. Lots of guys used chaw or slapped their mandible on wads of bubble gum, but the toothpick? Sheer, original genius! I can't look at a toothpick to this very day without hearing the wind whisper... "U L, U L...."

Sure, Nomar has his OCD routine, Mike Hargrove did his Cleveland Indian rain dance, Craig Counsell is... well, a little weird but these guys didn't take those shenanigans into the field or dugout... or into interviews after the game. Johnny Damon's hair was nothing new. Rollie Fingers mustache didn't take any coordination to remain on his face. Wade Boggs ate chicken before every game. Shawon Dunston would put his cross pendant in his mouth before every at-bat. Turk Wendell wore a string of animal parts around his neck, but so what? Even amongst these freeks, U L was unique!

Maybe in the late 1800's there was a guy who played with a pipe, a top hat or something, which would make for a cool story, but I can't remember back that far, personally. I do remember seeing a picture of Babe Ruth playing an exhibition game in Japan while holding an umbrella (they didn't have rain delays), but that was a one-time occurance.

Dusty Baker? Puh-leeeze! Splinterlip Poser. Dental Tool Imitator. Mouthwood Wannabe. Maybe even toothpick user out of reverence for U L. But not the true originator.

Keep in mind, I just turned 7 years old when the Phillies defeated the Kansas City Royals in the 1980 World Series. Sure the image of Willie Wilson pulling out early from his wild swing, striking out badly as Tug McGraw was leaping into Bob Boone's nepotismatic arms in jubilation will be burned in the memories of Phils Phans forever. However, I will forever see that charasmatic U L looking as cool as the other side of a cucumber, slickly fielding grounders, taking his hacks with a bat that looked as big as he was, burning up the basepaths, all the while dangling the mouthwood.

He was poised. He had a style all his own. He had no endorsement deals with some soulless toothpick company. Of course, he had his imitators. As a kid, I often rocked the lip lumber whenever I played any form of baseball - wiffleball, video games, Little League. I even tried to blow my euro-fro out just like his lidstuffer, to little avail.

Over a short time, the toothpick gimmick became popular with 'the kids' elsewhere, too. And like all things fun to kids, parents began to complain and write U L letters requesting him to stop. U L wasn't a jerk or a me-first kind of guy, he tried to comply by using a Q-tip in lieu of his trademark toothpick. U L loves the kids! Well, as any real baseball fan knows, ALL baseball players are extremely superstitious. U L promptly went into the tank with the new mouth utensil, possibly suffering from cottonmouth and that was the end of that! Back to the spit splinter he went. It worked for him and just felt right!

But a sad thing happened one day in 1983 or 1984. I was watching the sports part of the evening news, maybe a handful of people paid attention other than me, my friends and U L himself; the announcement was made - Toothpicks were BANNED from the field of play by MLB!!!

I don't remember all the specific details (couldn't find it online as news from the 80's rarely is online), but essentially a minor leaguer/copycat who tried to follow in U L's legendary footsteps was injured when a grounder took an errant hop and popped him right in the toothpick!!! So like all things corporate, overreactions were made, rules were written and U L was basically punished for being the pacesetter (like they couldn't 'grandfather' him in)

That was the begining of the end for our hero. Taking his toothpick was worse than taking his glove and bat from him. He was traded to a stacked Montreal squad before the '85 season (when the Royals won it all without him), then signed on with the Pirates a year later, but was never the same, going Mendoza without the 'pick, finally retiring at the end of the legendary 1987 season after playing only a measly 10 games. Without his trusty toothpick, his time was over, quick and painfully.


Today he is a minor league hitting coach for the Pawtucket Red Sox. After all he was pretty good with the wood.

P.S. - Another fine fact about U L - check out his Rookie Card. U L in the stiffbrim, Two (should be) Hall of Famers and a Klutts.




If U L played in times like today and toothpicks were never banned, you'd probably see 'game used' toothpicks on ebay or kids running out to the five and dime to waste their allowance on boxes of toothpicks (not the frilly ones either) instead of taking out a loan to buy baseball cards.