Interview with a Dead Guy - Mike "King" Kelly

This was originally posted on ArmchairGM.com on July 11, 2006

In my ongoing quest to bring you new and original articles, today I continue with my endless series of "Interview with a Dead Guy"; (my first involving a sports figure) this time starring 1880's baseball legend and baseball Hall of Famer Mike "King" Kelly. Of course, I could never divulge how I gained the ability to communicate with the dead, but here's the interview, anyway...


Setting: In a place where dead and living are neither, I meet with the original King...

Manny Stiles - Welcome, King! Thank you for your time. This is truly an honor to meet you.

King Kelly - Hello, Manny. Anything for an esteemed conduit of the deceased.

MS - Oh, King... you're too kind!

KK - Please, call me Mike!

MS - Ok, Mike! let's get started. In my personal opinion, you are far and away the most unknown of the Great Baseball players! Does it bother you that you were as big or bigger of an American icon and baseball legend as Babe Ruth, yet it seems no one ever brings your name up? I mean, you were "King" 70 years before Elvis!

KK - Well, times were different in the 1880's. You have to remember people didn't live as long then, so the fans who loved me were all dead by the time Ruth made his impact. It's no big deal. Real fans of sports like yourself know the history, understand the impact players like Cap Anson, Big Dan Brouthers and myself had on the game. We changed the way it was played, and we changed the way the world saw our sport. Before I joined the Cincinnati Franchise in the National League, the baseball players were basically travelling circus teams. In my later years, I amnaged the Cincinnati Kelly's Killers! Would anybody have a team named after them today? Baseball went from being a novelty to becoming an institution.

MS - You were a catcher/outfielder that was also known as such an audacious baserunner, you even spawned a popular musical chant that became a song called "Slide, Kelly, Slide"...

KK - Win five pennants in Chicago and anything can happen!

MS - Other people have credited you with inventing the 'hit and run'. Many people called you the 'keenest mind baseball ever knew'. You were in the biggest trade at the time (a deal that paved the way for Ruth to the Yankees). You had a GREAT handlebar mustache and I have read in many sources that you were the most famous American at one point! You seemed to be on advertisements and billboards everywhere! You even wrote the first sports autobiography.

KK - Yeah, but too bad I died of pneumonia at age 36, long before baseball really had an opportunity to grow. Sure we partied hard, I was a drunk just like every other ballplayer, but we had pride, too. I was a 'World Series' star even before there was a regular 'World Series'. I hit 69 home runs before people tried to hit home runs, and I easily stole 400-500 bases before they kept stolen bases as a statistic. And I had many rules get changed because of the innovative style I played. You had to take every advantage that the rules allow. But that's why the game is what it is today.

MS - What do you think baseball does really well today?

KK - The whole interleague play idea is great! We had so many leagues rivaling and fighting with each other in my day. It's great that baseball fans everywhere can enjoy either or both leagues. The umpires are so much better today and there seems to be less crooked individuals associated with the teams. Everybody seemed to be a crook after something. Times were just different. We rode the trains, heck! I had relatives that were gold mining out west! Who does that nowadays? But I also like that they play more games. We used to play less than 100 games a season. With 162 games, there's no debating whether a team is good or not. Also, the knickers and jerseys look snazzier and more comfortable today.

MS - What is your take on the 'performance enhancing drugs' spotlight on sports today?

KK - The players today are HUGE! Big Dan Brouthers was one of the biggest men I had ever seen, he was 6'2"!!! Manny, you're like what 6'5"?? You would have been a giant in the 1880's!

MS - Yeah, I'm 6'6", Mike. Get it right!

KK - The leagues are littered with guys your size. People are just bigger now. If they're taking drugs or elixirs or potions that make 'em hit better, why would I care? I'm dead and I had my day in the sun! We ate, swallowed and rubbed on anything that would help us play better! Come on, people don't understand the pressures of performing for millions of fans everyday! It was already bad in my day. Today there are as many baseball fans as there were PEOPLE back then!

MS - Who do you like to win it all in baseball this year?

KK - Well, I played most of my career in the National league, so I'm an NL guy...but this year? Eek! The White Stockings seem to play the way baseball was meant to be played. They seem to make more out of every play and never give away easy outs. But I guess, for the heck of it, I'll pick the Toronto Blue Jays. Everyone keeps talking about the Yanks and Red Stockings, so maybe the Jays can sneak by both and shock the world!?!

MS - Mike, what would you do to 'fix' the All-Star game?

KK - It's an exhibition and shouldn't count for anything. People want to see the stars, but the stars don't want to play. You can't make them play, so give the spots to the young stars and vets that want to display their talents. Call it the 'Stars' game, or for that matter, just name teams, honor the deserving players and don't play a game at all!

MS - Is there any truth to the story of you falling from a stretcher in the hospital as you were dying of pneumonia, and saying "That'll be Kelly's last slide"?

KK - Yes, and no. They did drop me, down a flight of stairs! But I said "safe again!". I never said anything about it being my 'last slide'.

MS - One last question. Can you name your all-time lineup?

KK - well at best dressed and catcher - Myself, Buck Ewing as my backup; 1b - Cap Anson, 2b - Monte Ward, SS - "Pebbly Jack" Glasscock, 3b - Jeremiah Denny, Of's - "Piano Legs" Gore, "Pony" Ryan and Dummy Hoy, P - Old Hoss Radbourn... Yes, I know that's a lot of Chicago players, but we were that good!

MS - Thanks, Mike! You are a national treasure! Thank you for your time. Until we meet again!

KK - Thank you Manny, and keep loving and writing about the game.
And with that, a **poof** and Mike "King" Kelly was gone.

What a day this has been!