Exclusive Interview

Here's the link to Manny Stiles' EXCLUSIVE E-INTERVIEW with Sean Forman, Baseball-Reference.com Founder on ArmchairGM.com.

The Legend of U L Washington

Another article originally posted On ArmchairGm.com on September 8, 2006


Every so often, Earth is blessed with a being that encompasses the attributes of presence, flavah and originality. This time, I am not referring to myself, but to the man known as U L Washington.

U L, which is actually his real name not just his initials, played 11 seasons of Major League Baseball from 1977-1987. He spent most of his career as a shortstop and for the majority of his career with the Kansas City Royals (Of course, I'll always remember him as a Montreal Expo).

So if you don't remember U L, weren't born yet or haven't heard about his unique story, you look at his stats, and you wonder... WHY THE HELL would Stiles write an article about U L freeking Washington? (his comparable stats by age 31-33 compare closely to H Wagner... Heinie Wagner, that is...)

Quite simple, friends:

The toothpick!

U L Washington played with a toothpick in his mouth at all times! Fielding, batting, running the bases, sliding, diving, hi-fiving his teammates... U L had the toothpick dangling 'tween his lips.

I can think of no one in the history of baseball that had such a gimmick. Lots of guys used chaw or slapped their mandible on wads of bubble gum, but the toothpick? Sheer, original genius! I can't look at a toothpick to this very day without hearing the wind whisper... "U L, U L...."

Sure, Nomar has his OCD routine, Mike Hargrove did his Cleveland Indian rain dance, Craig Counsell is... well, a little weird but these guys didn't take those shenanigans into the field or dugout... or into interviews after the game. Johnny Damon's hair was nothing new. Rollie Fingers mustache didn't take any coordination to remain on his face. Wade Boggs ate chicken before every game. Shawon Dunston would put his cross pendant in his mouth before every at-bat. Turk Wendell wore a string of animal parts around his neck, but so what? Even amongst these freeks, U L was unique!

Maybe in the late 1800's there was a guy who played with a pipe, a top hat or something, which would make for a cool story, but I can't remember back that far, personally. I do remember seeing a picture of Babe Ruth playing an exhibition game in Japan while holding an umbrella (they didn't have rain delays), but that was a one-time occurance.

Dusty Baker? Puh-leeeze! Splinterlip Poser. Dental Tool Imitator. Mouthwood Wannabe. Maybe even toothpick user out of reverence for U L. But not the true originator.

Keep in mind, I just turned 7 years old when the Phillies defeated the Kansas City Royals in the 1980 World Series. Sure the image of Willie Wilson pulling out early from his wild swing, striking out badly as Tug McGraw was leaping into Bob Boone's nepotismatic arms in jubilation will be burned in the memories of Phils Phans forever. However, I will forever see that charasmatic U L looking as cool as the other side of a cucumber, slickly fielding grounders, taking his hacks with a bat that looked as big as he was, burning up the basepaths, all the while dangling the mouthwood.

He was poised. He had a style all his own. He had no endorsement deals with some soulless toothpick company. Of course, he had his imitators. As a kid, I often rocked the lip lumber whenever I played any form of baseball - wiffleball, video games, Little League. I even tried to blow my euro-fro out just like his lidstuffer, to little avail.

Over a short time, the toothpick gimmick became popular with 'the kids' elsewhere, too. And like all things fun to kids, parents began to complain and write U L letters requesting him to stop. U L wasn't a jerk or a me-first kind of guy, he tried to comply by using a Q-tip in lieu of his trademark toothpick. U L loves the kids! Well, as any real baseball fan knows, ALL baseball players are extremely superstitious. U L promptly went into the tank with the new mouth utensil, possibly suffering from cottonmouth and that was the end of that! Back to the spit splinter he went. It worked for him and just felt right!

But a sad thing happened one day in 1983 or 1984. I was watching the sports part of the evening news, maybe a handful of people paid attention other than me, my friends and U L himself; the announcement was made - Toothpicks were BANNED from the field of play by MLB!!!

I don't remember all the specific details (couldn't find it online as news from the 80's rarely is online), but essentially a minor leaguer/copycat who tried to follow in U L's legendary footsteps was injured when a grounder took an errant hop and popped him right in the toothpick!!! So like all things corporate, overreactions were made, rules were written and U L was basically punished for being the pacesetter (like they couldn't 'grandfather' him in)

That was the begining of the end for our hero. Taking his toothpick was worse than taking his glove and bat from him. He was traded to a stacked Montreal squad before the '85 season (when the Royals won it all without him), then signed on with the Pirates a year later, but was never the same, going Mendoza without the 'pick, finally retiring at the end of the legendary 1987 season after playing only a measly 10 games. Without his trusty toothpick, his time was over, quick and painfully.


Today he is a minor league hitting coach for the Pawtucket Red Sox. After all he was pretty good with the wood.

P.S. - Another fine fact about U L - check out his Rookie Card. U L in the stiffbrim, Two (should be) Hall of Famers and a Klutts.




If U L played in times like today and toothpicks were never banned, you'd probably see 'game used' toothpicks on ebay or kids running out to the five and dime to waste their allowance on boxes of toothpicks (not the frilly ones either) instead of taking out a loan to buy baseball cards.

Interview with a Dead Guy - Mike "King" Kelly

This was originally posted on ArmchairGM.com on July 11, 2006

In my ongoing quest to bring you new and original articles, today I continue with my endless series of "Interview with a Dead Guy"; (my first involving a sports figure) this time starring 1880's baseball legend and baseball Hall of Famer Mike "King" Kelly. Of course, I could never divulge how I gained the ability to communicate with the dead, but here's the interview, anyway...


Setting: In a place where dead and living are neither, I meet with the original King...

Manny Stiles - Welcome, King! Thank you for your time. This is truly an honor to meet you.

King Kelly - Hello, Manny. Anything for an esteemed conduit of the deceased.

MS - Oh, King... you're too kind!

KK - Please, call me Mike!

MS - Ok, Mike! let's get started. In my personal opinion, you are far and away the most unknown of the Great Baseball players! Does it bother you that you were as big or bigger of an American icon and baseball legend as Babe Ruth, yet it seems no one ever brings your name up? I mean, you were "King" 70 years before Elvis!

KK - Well, times were different in the 1880's. You have to remember people didn't live as long then, so the fans who loved me were all dead by the time Ruth made his impact. It's no big deal. Real fans of sports like yourself know the history, understand the impact players like Cap Anson, Big Dan Brouthers and myself had on the game. We changed the way it was played, and we changed the way the world saw our sport. Before I joined the Cincinnati Franchise in the National League, the baseball players were basically travelling circus teams. In my later years, I amnaged the Cincinnati Kelly's Killers! Would anybody have a team named after them today? Baseball went from being a novelty to becoming an institution.

MS - You were a catcher/outfielder that was also known as such an audacious baserunner, you even spawned a popular musical chant that became a song called "Slide, Kelly, Slide"...

KK - Win five pennants in Chicago and anything can happen!

MS - Other people have credited you with inventing the 'hit and run'. Many people called you the 'keenest mind baseball ever knew'. You were in the biggest trade at the time (a deal that paved the way for Ruth to the Yankees). You had a GREAT handlebar mustache and I have read in many sources that you were the most famous American at one point! You seemed to be on advertisements and billboards everywhere! You even wrote the first sports autobiography.

KK - Yeah, but too bad I died of pneumonia at age 36, long before baseball really had an opportunity to grow. Sure we partied hard, I was a drunk just like every other ballplayer, but we had pride, too. I was a 'World Series' star even before there was a regular 'World Series'. I hit 69 home runs before people tried to hit home runs, and I easily stole 400-500 bases before they kept stolen bases as a statistic. And I had many rules get changed because of the innovative style I played. You had to take every advantage that the rules allow. But that's why the game is what it is today.

MS - What do you think baseball does really well today?

KK - The whole interleague play idea is great! We had so many leagues rivaling and fighting with each other in my day. It's great that baseball fans everywhere can enjoy either or both leagues. The umpires are so much better today and there seems to be less crooked individuals associated with the teams. Everybody seemed to be a crook after something. Times were just different. We rode the trains, heck! I had relatives that were gold mining out west! Who does that nowadays? But I also like that they play more games. We used to play less than 100 games a season. With 162 games, there's no debating whether a team is good or not. Also, the knickers and jerseys look snazzier and more comfortable today.

MS - What is your take on the 'performance enhancing drugs' spotlight on sports today?

KK - The players today are HUGE! Big Dan Brouthers was one of the biggest men I had ever seen, he was 6'2"!!! Manny, you're like what 6'5"?? You would have been a giant in the 1880's!

MS - Yeah, I'm 6'6", Mike. Get it right!

KK - The leagues are littered with guys your size. People are just bigger now. If they're taking drugs or elixirs or potions that make 'em hit better, why would I care? I'm dead and I had my day in the sun! We ate, swallowed and rubbed on anything that would help us play better! Come on, people don't understand the pressures of performing for millions of fans everyday! It was already bad in my day. Today there are as many baseball fans as there were PEOPLE back then!

MS - Who do you like to win it all in baseball this year?

KK - Well, I played most of my career in the National league, so I'm an NL guy...but this year? Eek! The White Stockings seem to play the way baseball was meant to be played. They seem to make more out of every play and never give away easy outs. But I guess, for the heck of it, I'll pick the Toronto Blue Jays. Everyone keeps talking about the Yanks and Red Stockings, so maybe the Jays can sneak by both and shock the world!?!

MS - Mike, what would you do to 'fix' the All-Star game?

KK - It's an exhibition and shouldn't count for anything. People want to see the stars, but the stars don't want to play. You can't make them play, so give the spots to the young stars and vets that want to display their talents. Call it the 'Stars' game, or for that matter, just name teams, honor the deserving players and don't play a game at all!

MS - Is there any truth to the story of you falling from a stretcher in the hospital as you were dying of pneumonia, and saying "That'll be Kelly's last slide"?

KK - Yes, and no. They did drop me, down a flight of stairs! But I said "safe again!". I never said anything about it being my 'last slide'.

MS - One last question. Can you name your all-time lineup?

KK - well at best dressed and catcher - Myself, Buck Ewing as my backup; 1b - Cap Anson, 2b - Monte Ward, SS - "Pebbly Jack" Glasscock, 3b - Jeremiah Denny, Of's - "Piano Legs" Gore, "Pony" Ryan and Dummy Hoy, P - Old Hoss Radbourn... Yes, I know that's a lot of Chicago players, but we were that good!

MS - Thanks, Mike! You are a national treasure! Thank you for your time. Until we meet again!

KK - Thank you Manny, and keep loving and writing about the game.
And with that, a **poof** and Mike "King" Kelly was gone.

What a day this has been!